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Macbeard and the Unholy Grail – IV

August 8, 2013

Recounting history the Macbeard-way – A series of allegories inspired by allegories of yore.

[Continued from: Macbeard and the Unholy Grail – III]

In this episode we see Macbeard metamorphoses into a spiritual ‘tota’ and readies himself for the journey in search of the ‘Unholy Grail’ with his faithful followers Sir Sighkick and Lady Unable, his horses ‘Evereddy’ & Nevereddy’ and his devoted poodles Gowind, Daewoo and Srichappal. Happy reading

Macbeard quickly transformed himself into a ‘spiritual tota’, he sported long hair and a beard, put on Fab India khadi kurta pyjama and a jhola round his neck like a noose (the Blackberries, Apple Ipads, Handicams came later when he had earned his black belt in conning people). He deliberately cultivated the ‘sadhu baccha’ image, he lived on raw food or at least that is what he wanted everyone to believe (there were recurring reports of what looked like remains of tandoori chickens in the garden outside his room trice a week for which the neighbour’s tomcat ‘tiger’ was regularly blamed).

Macbeard also began practicing sitting in different meditative poses in order to fool people (including M P Pandit who took him under his wings) into thinking that he was a serious meditator or a rare ‘advanced sole’. Some teachers in the school were led to believe that he had a very developed ‘psychic’ while others strongly opposed this view. We must remember that these were early days much before Kulok Pande launched his small scale industry in psychic certification or Almond Reddy his pseudo-spiritual gymnasium. So the issue couldn’t really be concluded one way or the other. The controversy did wonders though to Macbeard’s self-image and encouraged his ego to bloat like the putrid belly of a ten day old dead cow and pushed him now to promote himself actively until it became a serious addiction.

‘Why wait for anyone to praise me?’ he thought ‘Why not ‘engineer’ the praise myself?’ As he proceeded, he found compliments from others had greater acceptability than his own. To make his self praises look authentic Macbeard created a large number of fake mail IDs in different names and ‘posted’ praise mails to special websites designed for this purpose attempting to create a larger than life persona of himself. But even with this resolute effort he failed to expunge the image of the cry baby, the ambitious fat head, the incorrigible liar and manipulator which was now an indelible part of his character.

With all the tragic flaws in place, Macbeard was at last ready to undertake the futile and difficult quest for the ‘Unholy Grail’ and the journey to the promised land of ‘Super Trusteeship’. He was not alone in this quest and was accompanied by his ever faithful horses Evereddy & Nevereddy, Squire Joshua Depthcharge, Sir Sighkick, Lady Unable, and his devoted poodles Gowind, Daewoo and Srichappal.

To be continued

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