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Macbeard and the Unholy Grail – III

July 30, 2013

Recounting history the Macbeard-way – A series of allegories inspired by allegories of yore.

[Continued from: Macbeard and the Unholy Grail – II]

In this episode of ‘Macbeard and the Unholy Grail’ we see the exceptional events that partly transform Macbeard from a pathetic scrawny little cry baby ‘naturally very fat headed’ to someone more resolute and foolishly ambitious, aspiring to become a world ‘guru’. Happy reading

Being zero in sports AND in studies, Macbeard was an easy prey to tauntings by his ‘friends’ and the butt of their dark humour. To cope with this, we are told, Macbeard drifted rapidly into a world of fantasy where he, the knight in shining armour, kept saving ‘les belle mademoiselles sans merci’ who promptly ran away once they were saved, preferring to remain eternally ungrateful; even in this world of pure fantasy, a hip jiggling Bollywood ending of fulfilled love eluded Macbeard, such was the macabre frame of his being.

Very quickly on, he graduated to ‘seeing’ fanciful stuff such as flying saucers etc. hoping this would lend him greater respectability but alas he managed only to be at the receiving end of every gag. (The ‘seeing’ business never really stopped and continues to this day. The story goes that the day M P Pandit passed away, Macbeard saw a light emanate out of Pandit-ji’s body and enter his. ‘From which hole?’ asked his peers much to his deep annoyance) If you think Macbeard’s ‘seeing’ had anything to do with spirituality or hallucinogens then you are greatly mistaken; he had this inborn propensity to fib; he would remove all stains of truth when reporting a situation, serving it gift wrapped in several luxuriant layers of lies.  Even when he said simple things it was always laced with a lurking soupçon of falsehood. ‘Telling truth makes me constipated’ he is reported to have said many times ‘I need bucketfuls of isabgol every time I speak it’

One day while he was being pestered without J. Depthcharge to console him (he was down in bed with ‘interview pox’, a rare virulent virus that, unless treated, makes you repeat ‘Sagorika can you hear me? Can you hear me Sagorika?’ for the rest of your life) he decided to hit back; he just had enough, ‘I will get even with you all one day, just you wait.’ A major transformation overcame him. He saw himself to be a world ‘guru’. The ‘guru’, he reasoned, need not be super good in sports or specially good at academics yet the learned, the rich, the powerful bow down to him; all that the ‘guru’ has do is to give some ‘gyan’ convincingly.

Macbeard didn’t have to go far to get the material for his ‘gyan’ and started in earnest mugging up the works of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. He didn’t dissipate  his energy in understanding what he read, what was of primary importance  was only to ‘appear’ to understand, and con people into believing that these were HIS words of wisdom based on direct experience.  He also paid great attention to imitating the mannerism of M P Pandit when he lectured, and applied himself diligently to learning popular magic and hypnotism with the sole aim to mesmerize his poor would be victims.  ‘This is how I will get back at them. They will all fall at my feet,- all of them’ was his constant refrain. His life had a mission now.

To be continued

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